Hours before the Party Convention, Selina struggles to find a replacement as Doyle announces he’s leaving the ticket, but ultimately chooses Tom James. Meanwhile, Dan recruits Jonah and Richard to pose as influential Washington insiders. Amy is angry with the president’s new advisor. Karen gets fired.
So funny to see Hugh Laurie turn up as Tom James, all charm and american accent.
Tom James: What a great convention! Best one in four years.
The hotel room used for the majority of the episode is the Presidential Suite at the Royal Sonesta Hotel in Baltimore. The HBO film Game Change was also filmed there.
Selina goes to Iran to free detained American reporter Leon West; Dan finds new work at Sidney Purcell’s offices after being fired from the White House; Gary and Mike panic as they realize they’ve been left at the airport in Tehran. Doyle stands in for the president at an LGBTQ event; Kent’s polling may cause trouble for Selina. Catherine gets engaged to Jason and Selina brings in a new Senior advisor, Karen Collins.
Ben: I’ve seen a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth look less panicky than that!
Amy: I feel like I’m on a life support machine and the keep pulling the plug… to charge their phones!
When the personal details of a previously anonymous girl mentioned by the President are leaked, Selina’s team tries to find a scapegoat for the data breach; first Lee, then Dan. Catherine tells Selina she wants to support an anti-bullying campaign. Dan tasks Jonah and Richard with buying fireworks for a campaign rally. While Mike is about to make the dreadful error of announcing the wrong scapegoat at a press conference, the President hosts the annual Easter Egg Roll and reads a story to the assembled kids.
Mike: This is catching fire like a gas station in a Michael Bay movie.
Ben: No, you’re right Dan, it’s a dream. And me and Kent are about to turn into two horny cheerleaders and start making out.
Ben: You listen to me, you little fucking turd’s assistant, you don’t threaten the administration, because we will fucking destroy you! We’ll skin you like a squirrel, clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney, and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers sticking out of your dead fucking eyeballs!![beat] Kent: I cannot endorse that message, but I do acknowledge it.
The president’s staff prepares for her state visit with the Israeli prime minister. Mike tries out a new look for his more visible role. Teddy does Jonah a favor, while continuing to invade his personal space. Dan and Jonah are participating in Family First talks. Stuck in traffic with Richard, Amy learns via FaceTime that Selina is bringing in Bill Ericsson. Gary goes overboard while planning the state dinner for the Israeli delegation, and a painting in the White House comes under the spotlight. Kent helps Catherine with her likeability. Richard becomes Jonah’s assistant.
The best thing about this episode is an awesome meltdown between Selina and Gary:
Twenty-four hours before Selina’s first major speech as President, her staff frantically tries to work out how she can say two completely opposite things (cuts in the military/ spending on the families first bill) at the same time. But, just before the speech begins, everything falls apart. The staff adjusts to their new roles in the White House: Gary questions his worth now that he can no longer be close to Selina. Jonah is put off by the hands-on approach of the new VP’s chief of staff, Teddy. Amy learns that Bill Ericsson, a rival campaign manager, may make a play for her job. Mike is trying to be healthy.
Kent: The only unthinkable thing is that anything is unthinkable. Ben: Kent majored in fortune cookies.
While Selina balances her unexpected Presidency with the New Hampshire primary, Dan pushes Jonah to take the blame for the torture rumor in exchange for a job at the White House. There is a slight issue with the oath of office, because of Mike’s clumsiness. Selina accidentally tells Kent the wrong person to fire and ‘squeaks’ to the nation. To help her campaign, Selina visits a factory.
God, there’s so many people in here. It’s like a Mormon orgy.
Jonah: There’s one of me fuckin’ a chicken while dressed as bin Laden.
I am the most powerful person in the world. Is that correct? [All agree] Any fuck-up from now on is not just a fuck-up, it’s my legacy. Got it?! No fuck-ups!
No, stat. He’s useless. He’s a one-inch cock.
I came in third, Amy. Okay? Even the Nazis came in second.
After Selina is caught badmouthing a reporter, putting the campaign in jeopardy, the team gets some unexpected news. Mike worries about balancing his home and work life. Selina and her staff wonder how to make her seem more down-to-earth, when they learn that Thornhill is leading in the polls.
Dan: Amy, I gotta say, you’re doing a great job. Seriously, you do me better that I do me. Amy: You do yourself a lot.
Mike: [regarding Selina’s new campaign “platform”] She thinks it looks folksy, but she really looks like Dustin Hoffman on a crate.
Mike: [trying to unlock a cellphone] It’s password protected. Hang on. 0-0-0-1… 0-0-0-2… 0-0-0-3…
Selina: Well, there’s just… there’s just no way out of this. I mean, you know, not for a sitting Vice President… who’s lost Iowa and New Hampshire. You know what V.P. stands for? It stands for “victory perma-fucked.” I don’t deserve this. You know? Goddammit. I don’t, but you do. Because you are all losers! Every motherfuckin’ one of you! [pointing to Amy and Gary] Loser! Loser!
Selina: What are you talking about? What is it? Are we at war? Kent: Ma’am, we’re America, we’re always at war.
Kent: The First Lady isn’t in a good place. Selina: Oh. Hospital. Kent: Mentally. POTUS has decided that he wants to devote more time to looking after her. Selina: Yikes! Kent: At any rate… he’s gonna resign. Selina: Uh-uh. What? Kent: Ma’am, you’re about to become the 45th President of the United States. It’s not a dress-rehersal, not a drill. You are going to be the president.
The staff prepares for the debate between Selina and her rivals; Dan returns to the office after his panic attack; Gary inadvertently tells Wendy that Ray collaborated with Selina to make decisions. Selina makes a drastic change to her hair.
Ben: Well I’m a baby-faced, know-nothing Congressman from Shitstain, Nevada, who’s got the newly dropped balls enough to think that I can run for President.
Gary: What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it? Mike: Of course I don’t fucking like it! It’s the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy!
Doyle: I think I’ve endorsed a Nazi! Furlong: It’d explain the Hitler haircut!
It there’s any dirty trick I can’t stand – it’s honesty.
During a trip in London, Selina is bombarded with questions regarding the influence of Ray and his online beliefs, which have been recovered by Jonah; Dan has a breakdown which could work in Amy’s favor. Selina makes some appearances, including a visit to a local pub and a speech at a War Service. The team learns of the suicide attempt of the First Lady.
He’s currently with a woman from the Bank of England. It’s like watching a goat try and use an ATM.
Let’s get the merry old fuck out of merry old England. Okay, I need to be driven to the airport at Diana speed. Okay, just more carefully, though, please.
Jonah: Let’s check out your chart. Let’s see how you’re doing, here. Okay. All right. Dan Egan, 67, female. Unemployed campaign manager. Thirty different types of semen pumped from stomach, inverted nipples, abnormally high douche readings—that makes sense. Cancer of the soul, traces of dog excrement found around the corners of mouth. Chronic cretinism, leprosy, anal bleeding. Uh… tiny child balls?
At an economic summit in Detroit, Selina’s staff and her family, especially Andrew, are peeved by the presence of her new personal trainer, Ray (Christopher Meloni), who is also her new lover. Meanwhile, Jonah and Mike negotiate a photo-op with Selina and Maddox, which only works for Maddox. Later, Catherine protects her mom from a protester. Selina attends a women’s gun show, after an anti-gun rumor is spread by Jonah through Minna Häkkinen.
Minna Häkkinen: I would like you to understand that in my country, politics is a lot more honest. Selina: In your country, people fuck snow. And I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect.