Category Archives: Television

Veep 2.06

Veep 2.06 – Andrew

Catherine’s 21st birthday party becomes a forum for Selina’s budget negotiation with the majority leader, but Amy and Gary are more worried how Selina will handle seeing her ex-husband. Meanwhile, Mike discusses Selina’s role in the Uzbek hostage crisis with the press.

Jonah, you’re not even a man. You’re like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn’t have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You’re Frankenstein’s monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.

Gary, deflower the room.
– There’s a sentence I bet you thought you’d never hear.

You know, if we don’t get this done by midnight, we’re all gonna turn into ugly sisters and get eaten by wolves or whatever the fuck happens at the end of that story.

But every time she gets around him It’s so weird. It’s like a cat on a hot tin dog.

Hey, buddy, don’t worry that she didn’t remember you, okay? It’s only ’cause you’re a nonentity.

This is like as subtle as putting a nude photo on Facebook.

I heard whining and I assumed I needed to apologize.

Veep 2.05

Veep 2.05 – Helsinki

Ben and Kent argue over new intelligence concerning the hostage crisis, while Mike employs the services of Jonah to help him on a special White House project. Selina and her staff head to Helsinki to finalize a trade agreement, but are worried whether Selina will be received warmly in Europe, because of the song performed in the previous episode and while trying to teach Dan how to charm the media, Selina has awkward encounters with the Finnish Prime Minister (Sally Phillips) and her sleazy husband Osmo (Dave Foley).

Sally Phillips (blonde above) looked familiar, she played Tilly in the comedy Miranda.

I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you, Kent?! Seriously, when you pull the pin out, you’re supposed to throw the grenade away. You don’t stick it up your own fricking ass!

More apologizing, really? I apologized less after banging my brother’s fiance.

Remember, I lie for a living.

Holy shit, grandpa, you probably still get your porn from magazines.

All this melodrama really explains your three divorces.
– Well, I’d like to divorce your head from your fucking neck.

Don’t give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.

Your idea of crisis management is screaming, “We’re fucked! Bury me!”

The Eye of Sauron is the near perfect analogue for the modern media.
If we can draw the Eye to Helsinki, then it won’t be looking at what’s going on here.

I’m the Vice President of the United States of America. He just squeezed my tit like a balloon.

Screw you and your Confucius grasshopper bullshit.

What the fuck were you thinking? Look, you marked it highly confidential, thereby guaranteeing that this thing is gonna go viral.

Veep 2.04

Veep 2.04 – The Vic Allen Dinner

Selina is rankled when the White House releases an unflattering photo of her from the hostage rescue. Mike and Kent bond over sailing, Jonah gets an executive parking space and Sue has a job interview. Selina takes steps to keep her staff happy as they prepare for her appearance at the Vic Allen dinner, that seems, at first, to go over well. To placate Gary, Selina has lunch with him and his girlfriend and gifts him a new Leviathan. Kent hires Mike to work on his Dream Metric Demographic program team.

The surprising and best bit was Julia singing a political version of Paul Simon’s ’50 ways to leave your lover’.

Jonah: [about Selina’s song 50 Ways to Win in Denver I had to pretend not to like it to Kent while pretending to like it like he was pretending to like it, but he didn’t actually like it, and I actually really liked it.

Im not Joseph Stalin.
No, that’s true, You’re not.
You don’t have a tenth of his charm.

 You’ve got to get out of here, okay? Take all these meaningless syllables with you and just get out.

You are incredibly valued here and I was wondering if there’s anything we could do to make you want to stay with us.
– More money, ma’am.
– I’m on it.

You’re like an old VCR, but with a bigger mouth.

He should really be on suicide watch.
Yeah, make sure he goes through with it.

Veep 2.03

Veep 2.03 – Hostages


When a hostage crisis in Uzbekistan heats up, Selina and Secretary of Defense General Maddox (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) have a trouble getting on the same page during their joint appearance at the Marine Corps Base in Quantico. Sue testifies at a Congressional hearing on governmental efficiencies, which turns into a ‘robust’ media frenzy. Dan and Gary fight for the Veep’s ear. Sue’s replacement, Cliff, makes a mistake, which affects the Senate Swearing In Ceremony and a man’s leg.

Listen, we all know the White House would work so much better if there wasn’t a President but there is. So, we work around that.

Amy, this is like explaining gravity to a chicken!



Veep 2.02

Veep 2.02 – Signals

Selina attends a North Carolina pig roast in support of the president’s “Listen to Rural America” initiative, while her ‘secret signals’ get out. Catherine writes a controversial essay of a film, and Mike’s money situation is getting worse.

You know what, why don’t you put on your running shoes and get to the fuckin’ point, Jonah?

Okay, so they want me to go to a pig roast to meet a bunch of men who probably took turns to fuck the pig before they roasted it?

No, this needs to be top-notch. This needs to be the Gettysburg Address of tightrope-walking, say-nothing bullshit.

You know, you’re about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants. How’s that for a fucking metaphor?


Veep 2.01

Veep 2.01 – Midterms

Selina’s party does poorly in the midterm election, though Selina has a successful campaign, which she attempts to leverage into greater influence for herself.

A presidential strategist named Kent Davison (Gary Cole), with whom Selina has a troubled history, returns from an absence. Selina is assigned responsibility for foreign relations.


Wow, that guy is ruthless.
A total inspiration.

Would you please hang up the phone because I’m the fucking Vice President of the United States – and I have something to say.

Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and I-could-give-a-fuck-istan.

Screw you and the face you rode in on, Dan.

Jesus, I can feel my virginity growing back in here.

You have three kids by two different guys, maybe your last word should’ve been “No.”

I need that stuff that junkies use. You know, when it takes a cop 15 bullets to put him down.

Veep 1.08

Veep 1.08 – Tears

Selina visits Ohio to officially endorse a candidate for the governor, but he doesn’t want the low-rated vice president’s support. Dan may have to go to a congressional hearing for the Clean Jobs Bill. Mike and Amy decide to make use of Selina’s emotional state.

You know those dreams where your football coach is, like, screaming at you, you look down, you’re dressed like Shirley Temple and all your teeth fall out? That’s like a Disney version of the Congressional Committee!

Well, I’m a political leper, and I’m emotional time bomb. So here’s an idea: let’s put me onstage.


Veep 1.07

Veep 1.07 – Full Disclosure

With the Veep and her staff taking flack over a pregnancy rumor and the firing of the Smiling Secret Service Agent, Selina, who had a miscarriage, orders a ‘partial’ full disclosure of all office correspondence. Selina dispatches Dan to make sure the Macauley Amendment (i.e. the toxic Clean Jobs bill) cannot be traced back to her.

And with the perception growing that her office is increasingly nonfunctioning, Selina threatens to fire a key staffer. Also Ted and Selina break up via Gary.


The miscarriage was a surprise. But it seemed inevitable that eventually Amy would be the one to ‘fake’ a pregnancy.

Okay. Thank you. All right, obviously it is not gonna be full disclosure. Okay? It’s gonna be partial disclosure light. We don’t want to have a paper trail on clean jobs. Nothing about Sidney Purcell having access to clean jobs, all right? We have to check Sue’s calendar, make sure there are no meetings there that I did-didn’t have.

It’s the secret service, for Christ’s sake.  Secret as in shut the fuck up. And service as in you work for me, okay? So why don’t you shut the fuck up? We have an enemy and I want a name and a severed head that answers to that name, or would if it could still talk.



Veep 1.06

Veep 1.06 – Baseball

Selina hosts a conference to promote healthy eating at Baltimore’s Camden Yards baseball park, but her pitch is balked at by some foul-tempered fast-food executives, where she also confides a secret to Amy concerning Ted.

Meanwhile, Mike holds a press briefing for local reporters; and Amy and Dan do their best to entertain students at an elementary school before the vice president arrives. Selina discovers she is pregnant.

Patrick Fischler, who plays Ken the photographer, is Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s brother-in-law, being married to Lauren Bowles, her half-sister. So Selina is pregnant. My bet is that Gary stuffed something up and it’s not true. But it did bring the best moment, Selina listening to children and processing this information.


Veep 1.05

Veep 1.05 – Nicknames

Bloggers’ nicknames for Selina become her next obsession; Dan goes on a fact-finding mission after his boss is snubbed by the president that includes spending time with Jonah; it’s make-or-break time for the clean-jobs bill.

Selona gets to shout, swear and be even more obnoxious in this episode. And it makes things funnier. Julia Louis-Dreyfus just makes these things more of a character flaw than something off-putting.

That’s like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo! It doesn’t do the job, and it makes a fucking mess!