Episode 25 – The Burrito
The four humans arrive at the Judge’s chambers. Eleanor reveals Michael’s sacrifice. The Judge, Gen, agrees to hear out Eleanor, Chidi, Jason, and Tahani, and tells them they must be subjected to separate tests of their personal growth.
At their own request, they will share one fate and can only pass if all do individually. Jason fails a test of impulse control, while Tahani fails when, instructed to ignore what others think of her, she maturely confronts her parents over their lifelong cruelty towards her.
Then Michael and Janet arrive.
Chidi: Wait, you don’t already know everything about us? You’re not omniscient?
Gen: Well. Not in the way you mean. I try to learn as little as I can about the events of humankind so I can remain impartial ’cause I’m a judge, yadda yadda yadda. That being said, sometimes I get bored and I cheat a little bit. I’ve been binging Ken Burns’ Vietnam recently. It’s okay. I mean, I’m immortal, but that thing is long, you know what I’m saying?
Gen: I just absorbed the entirety of your existences, and I just wanna say, you guys are so cute! And the thing is, you didn’t file any paperwork and you have no advocate, and the rules say I gotta… [gives a thumbs-down and blows a raspberry] send you back.
“Bad” Janet: You really junked your jeans on this one, you butterface.
Michael: I did what I had to do.
“Bad” Janet: Oh, you had to junk your jeans? [high-fives Shawn]
Shawn: How could you betray your own kind like this? Who taught you how to turn a human inside-out by reaching down their throat and grabbing their butt from the inside?
Eleanor: All those ethics lessons paid off! Who ever said philosophy was stupid!
Chidi: You d-you did! Many times! As recently as this morning!
Eleanor: Oh, Jason. I feel like you always understand about twenty percent of what’s happening.