Sit on it

Where do you sit ?

(the following observations based on attending too many lectures)

Ever wonder why a lecture room, auditorium or any place of gathering only seats a small proportion of the total allocated ?

This is because of the different types of people that inhabit such environments. First you have the quick thinking and smart (OK, anyone like me) individual. These turn up on time and head straight for the middle of the row, they wait and observe the other participants arriving.

Next comes the slower ones. They will need to choose a row and enter from one end, carefully deciding how close to sit to the clever buggers who got there first.

Some will rush up and take a seat next to those already sitting. If they are mildly annoying they will say hello and then stare vacantly ahead for the remaining time until the event commences. If they want to be really annoying they will inquire about the weather, why others are present and may even expose their uninformed views on the subject matter for the evening. They may chatter until the commencement of proceedings. Such people are rarely invited back.

Now here come some more, but this time they may not like those already seated. They will choose a seat some distance from those seated, perhaps four to five away. And for extra protection a bag (or whatever they have) will be placed between them and the idiot further along the row. But they have to be careful not to sit too far to the end, as they may encounter the worst individuals of all.

The most common spacing will be with one seat between people. This is throwback to childhood when schoolchildren were instructed to stand at least one arms length apart. A measurement of the distances between people will confirm that some practices persist into adulthood.

Now the worst of all, the person who sits at the end of the row. This obnoxious individual is obviously unaware of problems they cause to others. Everyone else has to squeeze pass them to get to a seat somewhere in the middle. If you are trying to pass, be sure to carry a bag or case and gently smack them in the face as you pass.

Now everyone has arrived and seating is complete. But here comes the speaker/lecturer. Some of these may attempt to break the seating formation. “OK, everyone. Don’t sit at the back. Come on down, there are plenty of seats at the front. Come on now, I won’t bite. I just want us to all get cosy today”. Under no circumstances should you move. People have already spent good time and effort in acquiring their seats. They are not going to move. So just cross your arms, lean back in your chair and give them a look of “Buggered if I’m going to move”. Eventually any efforts to get you to move will be unsuccessful. You can stay where you are.

So now we have it, a few in the middle, the idiots on the end some more scattered in the remaining seats. This formation can be seen in as a graphical representation of the bell shaped curve of intelligence. The intelligent ones in the middle, with those of lesser intelligence on the extremity of each row. And everyone wondering “Why did I come here ?”.

So, Where Do You Sit ?

NB 28/11/2003